


Pumpkin for my Pumpkin

by harryhanlon



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, F/M, Halloween Costumes, Office Party, because im gay and i love allegra, because part of the way through i realized i writing a self insert, but not the kind i usually write!!, but there's no way im apologizing for that, inappropriate pumpkin behavior, pat is probably ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryhanlon/pseuds/harryhanlon
Summary: Allegra has a surprise and she's keeping tight lipped but Pat's hoping for some Halloween shenanigans





	Pumpkin for my Pumpkin

**Author's Note:**

> it's halloween and im BACK BABIES!!! with a new fandom and a new way to make you think about pumpkins in a way that honestly isn't cool. this is longer than i meant it to be and i hope you stick it out but i don't blame you at all if you don't. thanks for taking the chance on me, your festive neighborhood pervert. (i also wanna thank the soundtracks to rocky horror, repo!, and nightmare before christmas for getting me through this. also a 6 hour video of haunted mansion rain halloween ambience. ur the real mvp)

Waking up to texts from Allegra was always a mixed bag. Patrick loved her but he never knew if that first text would be a list of how the day's early hours had already wronged her, or a ringing endorsement of the world and the great things that exist within it. This particular foggy morning, however, it was neither. Pat rubbed his eyes, rolled over to palm for his glasses, and unlocked his phone with a quick swipe. Next to a cute picture of Allegra pulling a grumpy face and labeled 'Baby Allegra' was a new message that brought new exciting questions to the forefront of his mind.

 

_Happy halloween!! :P :P I have a surprise for you >:)_

 

Immediately Pat texted back asking for clarity.

 

_Don't ruin it >:(_

 

Sighing and resigning himself to a day of wondering, he got out of bed and started getting ready for work. In the shower Pat considered what he would bring for the annual Halloween party at the office. Every year they cut the work day short and rushed the bathrooms to have a professional rager of a costume party. He hadn't put too much effort into his previous costumes, instead opting to stream something spooky for the kids. Done with the teasing from his coworkers, Pat decided on a funny if low effort getup to get him off the hook. They can't say he didn't try.

 

Yet again he pondered what Allegra's surprise might be. To be fair, he hadn't shared his costume idea with anyone, maybe it was costume related as well? It was truly useless to guess at that point. Pat dried off and tried to shake some body into his hair. Or maybe he should get it as flat as possible? There'd be time later for that. He grabbed the pastel lime green polo he picked up from Old Navy and shoved it in his backpack. There was no way he'd be able to wear that all day at work no matter how hard he tried. Checking once more for his fangs, baseball cap, cape, and sunglasses, Pat zipped up his bag and left the apartment, fully dressed.

 

Work began the same as always but with a bit of a spooky tint. Simone had a... Hand™ that she kept in the space between their computers. She ate the occasional fruit snack from it's palm even though Pat never saw where they came from. But Simone was always like that. More interesting were the heavy implications of her work Snuggie playing a role in the evening's festivities.

 

“I just want to be warm! Is that so much to ask?” Simone huffed.

 

“Why don't you just put on your modern wizard cosplay like you do every other day of your life?” Pat replied in a playfully mean tone.

 

“You know I can't do that Patrick!” she screamed in that way that she does. He left it alone as they giggled together over their workplace antics. Everyone within earshot ignored the noise that was always coming from those two regardless of the day.

 

Halloween morning continued on without an Allegra spotting which was definitely strange. They usually had a coffee rendezvous by 10am but by everyone's account she must be working from home today. Maybe the surprise was cancelled and she was too upset to tell him about it. Either way it was too distracting for Pat to focus on his livestream plans with any chance of success. He got up to do a lap around the office and tried to get his head in the game. Seeing Julia at her desk without headphones gave him a chance to do a little digging.

 

“Hey”, Pat said from over her shoulder, causing her to jump.

 

“Oh Pat you scared me!” she said, spinning around to face him. She had the slightest smirk on her face like it was involuntary, she just couldn't hold it in. Julia continued, “What's up? Today spooky enough for you?” She wiggled her eyebrows but he wasn't sure if it was suggestive or not. Pat noted the cobweb decorations around her pens and the skull mug with black lipstick prints.

 

“No spookier than usual around you I see.”

 

Julia laughed, “Every day is Halloween when you're goth enough!” Pat waited as the laugh turned into a cackle and the cackle faded out. “But what's up though?”

 

“Have you seen Allegra today? She texted me this morning but I haven't seen her at all today.”

 

She wiggled her eyebrows again. Julia definitely knew something. “I think she said she was coming in later. Something she had to pick up this morning or whatever.” Her face settled. “Don't worry about it, I'm sure she'll be in for the party. Do you think anyone made that punch again? It was so good!” They chatted for a couple minutes until Tara walked by on the way to the coffee machine and asked Pat to talk strategy when she got back to her desk.

* * *

 

The day crept forward so slowly yet every time Pat looked back at his stream scheduling to check his progress nothing had changed. At 3:45, after seeing multiple people visibly give up on getting anything else done he joined them by leaning back and putting his hands behind his head. Speaking of giving up, he hadn't seen Simone for at least half an hour. Before he could investigate, Pat spotted Allegra's curly hair out of the corner of his eye. He rushed over. “Hey, haven't seen you all day! Where ya been?”

 

She smiled wide and beautifully, “Nowhere,” and slipped away to the girls bathroom. Confused as ever Pat retreated to the other bathroom with his backpack.

 

Finally nearing 4, the bathroom was full of Polygon's men changing into their festive attire. Pat spotted Jeff next to a urinal fastening incredibly blue overalls over a yellow shirt and smiled inwardly. Clayton used the mirror above the sink to paint dark circles under his eyes while trying not to knock his top hat with a picture of the Space Needle onto the floor. Brian walked out of the stall in a halter top and regular slacks. This was about to be be one hell of a party.

 

Pat went around the back of the stalls to quickly change into the polo he brought and fasten the cape around his neck. Moving to the mirror he popped in the fangs he had molded to his teeth a couple days ago and checked the fit one final time with his tongue. Satisfied, he put on the cap and rested the sunglasses on the backward facing brim. Perfect. After a couple minutes chatting and helping each other finish costuming, they all exited the bathroom one after the other to an office transformed.

 

Cobwebs hung on nearly every wall and corner. A table loaded with snacks, drinks, and the punch Julia raved about sat by the door. The lights from their makeshift soundstage had been moved in to give the room an eerie purple/blue glow. Simone's Snuggie hung on a broomstick turned Grim Reaper with a skull for a head. Bones from the dismantled skeleton littered the desks. The office was no more, this was the party room.

 

Pat lingered by the snack table with a beer, nibbling on the small sandwiches someone had made. They couldn't sit out all night and he'd been eating bunless hot dogs the past 3 days so the bread was a welcome and sorely missed texture. He bopped along to the sound of The Monster Mash and watched Jenna sneakily dump fruit snacks into the palm of Simone's Hand™. They made brief eye contact where she put her finger to her lips and spun away in a flurry of fuzzy wings. Pat loved his coworkers and his job so much.

 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a bump to his hip and a lot of orange. Pat looked down at the place where his hip met the orange fabric and dragged his eyes up to the face of this bulbous form. Allegra. Finally. Smiling wide as she ever does.

 

“Ah, pumpkin,” he said, flicking the stem fixed on her headband. “I like it.”

 

She kept smiling, “Sure, that's why I did it. To please a man.” The words were sarcastic but something still twinkled in her eyes. “What are you even?” she asked, looking him up and down. He flashed his fangs at her. “You look like a dick,” she giggled, attempting to hide her smile behind her hand and failing.

 

“Vampire Weekend.” He gestured again to the fangs and popped collar of his pastel polo. “Like a vampire but also a Yale bro? Come on, I know you're in the exact age range to get this.”

 

She laughed harder. “You're so stupid.” To prove her point Pat pulled his most stupid grin. This is what he'd been missing all day. Leaning against the wall by the snacks and chatting quietly, basically sequestered from the shouts of the festivities, he all but forgot about the promised surprise. They watched as Simone, Jenna, and Brian perform a modified cheerleading routine around Simone's witch hat on the floor as if it was a ritual. They laughed and decided not to help as Ashley and Jeff attempted to climb each other to grab Ashley's slingshotted butterfly clip out of a corner cobweb. The hum of camaraderie around them made every brush of the shoulder and elbow warmer until they finally clasped hands and linked fingers without discussing it. It wasn't unusual for them but it was special, and neither of them could stop smiling.

 

Around 8 the party had started to collapse in on itself, people doing their small part to clean up cups, plates, and decorations to make less work for whoever ended up taking it all down. Most of them had other engagements to head to and trains to catch to make it there on time. Allegra made deliberate eye contact with Pat and asked, “Wanna go chill at mine? Your surprise is there.” She looked down almost shy again despite their still linked hands. He nodded and she all but dragged him to the door, passing Brian in the middle of an exasperated explanation.

 

“It's Michael Showalter! I'm naturally angelic like the Archangel Michael and I wanted to _show_ this _halter_ top! Also my fantastic shoulders.” They heard him laughing it off as they darted out the door and dashed down the stairs.

* * *

 

After a short, uneventful train ride they walked up to Allegra's apartment building, remarking on the cold air. Pat was glad he didn't wear shorts, though they would have taken his costume up another level. Allegra's pumpkin insulated heat, but only to about mid thigh so by the time they got through the front door she had goosebumps down her legs. Pat moved to put his arm around her to create some extra heat as they entered the elevator but she seemed to have something else in mind. Using the mass provided by the sturdier material of the costume, she pushed Pat against the back of the empty elevator and kissed him breathless. Oh.

 

They did this even less. Only 2 or 3 times over the past 6 months. Their hands were unpracticed in finding their way around each other's bodies like this. Their glasses knocked against each other awkwardly as they deepened their final kiss before the ding of the elevator reaching her floor pulled them apart. Nearly running down the hallway the two giggled and shushed each other in turns, trying to be inconspicuous. Once inside they shed any insecurity they felt in public and enjoyed the familiarity of each other again. All too soon, Allegra pulled away, beckoning Pat to the bedroom and pushing him towards the bed. Instead of joining him, she scurried into the bathroom, leaving Pat confused and deflating.

 

“Just one second!!” she shouted through the door. Okay, he could wait, especially if they were going to keep doing that. He looked around the room as if he could find something new he hadn't seen in the many times they'd hung out in this same space. The album covers he helped hang looked pristine as ever, and the slight mess of the bed made it feel like home. Pat started to tap his toes idly on the floor and leaned back on his palms to give a more enticing picture for her to come back to. As he let out a stabling gust of breath, she came back out into the space.

 

“So... what do you think?”

 

Pat took in the new outfit. Could he call it an outfit? It was mostly body paint, a little melted from the heat in the costume and the touch-ups she must have done in the bathroom. What truly caught his interest were the two piece pumpkin... rings? Maybe. They hovered around her upper torso and pelvic area, attached somehow to the underwear he assumed she was wearing. She looked like a person conjured from someone's sexual fantasy about plastic trick or treat pumpkins.

 

“It's... sexy?” he tried. He couldn't hide the disbelief in his voice quick enough.

 

“Oh my GOD you hate it. This is is embarrassing. I messed up and I want to die.” Her words were muffled behind her hands as she sank to the floor. Pat jumped into action comfort her and rubbed her back despite the orange paint sticking to his previously clean hands.

 

“Hey, no, I don't hate it. Don't think that, I would never hate something you'd do. I guess I'm just... confused. About this pumpkin theme. It seems like it might be deeper than festivities.” He spoke quietly until Allegra looked up with wet eyes full of unshed tears. This night could be saved.

 

“Well, you sent me that story last month and I thought maybe...” before she could finish she put her face right back into her hands to hide the tears threatening to fall. Pat flashed back to sending her a link to some random story. Suddenly things started clicking. “You said it was sort of hot. And I wasn't ready to go full real pumpkin so I tried the next best thing. I thought you'd be into this!” She was losing grip on her composure. Pat wished he could say something, anything, to turn this around.

 

He remembered browsing a fan fiction site to help Simone with a Halloween themed video and finding only a few explicit ones directly relevant to the strange parameters she had given him. The idea had ultimately been scrapped but it didn't erase the words “pumpkin fucker” from his mind and he had to go back to see what that could possibly hold. The confusingly horny journey he went on had to be shared with Allegra and now, here they are.

 

There was only one thing he could do. Pat removed his hand from her back, stared at the paint covering it, and smeared it across his face. Allegra looked up at the lack of contact and her eyes widened at the sight.

 

“If you're the pumpkin, I'll be the pumpkin fucker.”

 

They stared in silence for a moment more as Pat thought maybe he had made it worse. But then, she smiled. The kind you could hear it was so big. And giggled the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. They caught each other's eyes once again.

 

“I guess I'm your pumpkin then.” And she sealed it with a kiss.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> and yeah i did reference my own fic in this. fight me, i dare you.
> 
> btw for anyone wondering the other costumes that are only referenced but not explained are:  
> Jeff - minion (clearly)  
> Clayton - Sleepless in Seattle  
> Jenna - mothman  
> Ashley - 90's kid


End file.
